It’s that season of love again when it seems like the world goes mad on red roses & chocolates. When that £5 bunch of roses you bought last week are now hiked up to £15 or £20. And forget trying to get a table at a restaurant if you haven’t booked!
Whats it all about?
Valentine’s Day – It began as a celebration of an early Christian saint called Valentius who was imprisoned for performing weddings and caring for Christians in Rome. Some stories say before his execution he wrote a farewell letter to his jailers daughter. He signed it ‘Your Valentine’ and so that's where the tradition began.
Today, my view is it's nothing but a consumer driven event. We are expected to show our love, expected to buy the cards and declare our undying love for that special person and if we don’t.....well we obviously don’t love them enough.
Don't get me wrong, I’m all for a bunch of flowers and some chocolates, but to me they mean more when they are spontaneously given, not when it is dictated by a date that it should be done. And those three words, ‘I love you’ are for everyday, not just once a year.
So how does this day of celebration leave you feeling?
If you are madly in love with someone in an exciting new relationship- then it’s probably a special romantic time....unless you or they forgot the card, aww that’s going to be tricky.
If you are at school or in the office, then there is always a hype about how many cards you received. That's great if you are the stunning blonde which every guy wants to date, cos your post bag will be over flowing, but maybe not- you may not want the attention, you may see through the shallowness of it all, and want someone to love you for what's inside, not how you look .
You may be the person who knows he or she won't get any cards, why should it be any different from last year? ‘ I’m ugly, boring, geeky and unlovable.’
What about those desperate to settle down? Always on the look out for a suitable candidate for the ‘marriage, 2 kids and dog’ dream they have their hearts set on.....hmmm maybe its not gonna happen this year then.
What about those who have been cheated on? Now how is their Valentine’s gonna go? They may express, ‘ahh’ who needs them anyway’ but deep down is the rejection...the not feeling good enough...feeling second best. It hurts.
What about the couple who are so busy? Busy keeping a roof over their heads and paying the bills and working the three jobs they each have that they just don’t have time for love anymore.
And then finally is the person whose loved one has died, leaving them alone and bereft. Now every Valentines day is a cruel reminder of what they don’t have anymore.
Valentine’s Day Sucks
Well let’s be honest it can feel like it sucks. It can be tough being bombarded with red hearts and flowers in the shops and seeing couples hand in hand everywhere you go when all you want is to be loved.
The problem is, we think we need others to show us that we are worthy of love, we rely on another person to tell us that we are lovable, that we have value and are beautiful. We want that from our parents in the beginning; we need the touch, the words of affection, the reassurance that we are okay. Sadly not everyone gets that need met and we still have those same needs in adulthood too.
What if you could get that assurance that you are lovable from within?
What if you could look in the mirror and honestly say those three words.... ‘I love You’?
What if you could see the beauty and value you bring to this world, that only you can bring?
What if you could be content and happy being you-...even the single you?
Can you see your uniqueness and just how wonderful you are?
It is possible.
Learning to love yourself
Learning to love yourself can be one of the hardest things you do. It is learning to accept you for who you really are; the good, the bad and even the ugly. It is accepting that not everyone is going to like or love us but that we are still likeable and lovable to others. It is being able to embrace our whole self. It is also turning down that critical voice inside our head that screams out 'you are not enough!'....Not good enough, Not pretty enough, Not smart enough.....
Learning to love yourself can be the best Valentines gift you can give yourself this year. It sometimes needs a little help and direction. A professional counsellor can help you explore and develop your love of self. This isn't a selfish thing- oh no! On the contrary, if we can love ourselves, then we can have a full tank of love to pour out on others.
Now thats gotta be a good thing eh?
So why not make the first step to loving yourself this Valentine’s day?
What can you do for yourself this weekend?
Go on! Be kind and loving to yourself. It doesn’t have to cost a fortune.
Why not a walk in the park?
Give yourself permission to get creative?
Have a Coffee and Cake for one and enjoy every moment !
Stand and look at yourself in that mirror and see the beauty you have to share with this world- inside as well as out.
Love yourself first.
PS If you want to learn to love yourself so that next Valentines day doesn’t suck, whether you are with someone else or not, then give me a call.
I’ll be glad to help you find a love for yourself.