It can be lonely behind those defences
We build defences to protect ourselves.
At some point, we feel so wounded that our amazingly clever minds decide that we would be safer if we were behind a brick wall. So we begin to hide away not allowing people near, not sharing much of ourselves, wearing a ‘I’m okay mask’ and sometimes retreating away from society as much as we can...because people can hurt us.
And we are safe there. No one can get to us. As much as possible we guard our hearts. But then we begin to feel lonely, isolated, and alienated from the world about us.
Sometimes we venture out and test the world only to be hurt again and so we back away and build yet another row of bricks until we actually begin to feel trapped by our defences, and they can hold us captive. It can feel like a prison cell without a door. We can get to the point where we just don’t know how to break free from it, because life outside of our protection is scary, and the fear of being wounded again keeps us behind bars.
We often begin to build these walls in early childhood when our reasoning is still developing. We protect ourselves the best way we can. It worked back then. But now we have created a big gapping gap between us and others. And that can hurt.
When we lock our hearts away to protect us from pain we also lock away our ability to feel and sense other emotions too. We lose joy and happiness, sometimes not even knowing how to describe emotions.
It is okay and you are not alone.
If this is similar to your experience then I hope you will seek out help. A professional counsellor will sensitively guide you to venture out from behind that wall, and maybe take down a brick one at a time, after all, that wall may have taken years to build- it shouldn't tumble down in one big bash. Your heart is precious. It has been hurt before and you still do need a healthy defence so that you can still feel safe.
If you have any questions or you are thinking of working with me then give me a call. There is no obligation, and I am happy to chat with you.
I take great delight in seeing my clients find their wings and learn to venture out of their unhealthy defences. It is possible. There is always hope. I look forward to chatting to you soon. Bev